Titanic II (2010)

Directed by: Shane Van Dyke | 90 minutes | action, adventure | Actors: Shane Van Dyke, Marie Westbrook, Bruce Davison, Brooke Burns, Michelle Glavan, Carey Van Dyke, DC Douglas, Dylan Vox, Wittly Jourdan, Myles Cranford, Josh Roman, Cameron Gordon, Michael Gaglio, Kendra Sue Waldman, Matt Lagan, Gerald Webb, Amin Joseph, Heather Nemeth, Sarah Belger, Paul Jacques, Wes Van Dyke, Ryn Harrison, Erica Duke, Shannon Murray, Lauren McClain, Randy Carter, John P. Napoleon, David Dustin Kenyon

Absolute rubbish from low-budget studio Asylum, which is hardly worthy of the name film. ‘Titanic II’ is a worthless mess that is not worth the effort in any way. Make no mistake about it: these are ninety minutes of your life that you will never get back. Kijkwijzer should add a new category of warning for these kinds of films. Because ‘Titanic II’ is only for the veterans of the direct-to-video fodder, who’ve seen so much crap they don’t care anymore, or for those who have seen all – if not all – other movies ever made. have already seen.

This movie is actually an insult to bad movies. Okay, maybe the lousy computer effects will make you chuckle the first time around, but ‘Titanic II’ isn’t even “fun” bad, like ‘Anaconda’ or one of the many Mega-Beast vs Giant-Different Beast movies. Pulp that knows it’s pulp and gets on with it can be fun. However, the makers pretend that their film is a serious film and that is deadly. The only fun this reviewer can get from this film is to write ‘Titanic II’ all the way down – not a difficult job. The risk is that readers think: it can’t be that bad, I have to see that. Or worse: such a bad movie, I have to see it! Do not do it.

Okay, what is the movie about? ‘Titanic II’ is therefore not a sequel (duh) to the biggest box-office success in film history. Here it is wealthy playboy Hayden Walsh (Shane Van Dyke) who has had an exact replica of the doomed ship built and plans to set it out exactly one hundred years after the Titanic’s departure. This time from New York, while in 1912 that was precisely the never-reached final destination. Permanently docked in California (note the palm trees in the background – which don’t exist in New York), the real-life Queen Mary II ship was used for a number of pre-departure shots and later scenes set inside. The fact that the Queen Mary looks very different, the real name is clearly visible (including a portrait of the namesake) and certainly does not look new are just the least of the many mistakes and carelessness that any half-awake viewer will notice. It is especially the very poor special effects that arouse the most surprise and irritation. For the sailing scenes, a computer model of the real Titanic is used, but in such a low resolution that it really doesn’t look like it. Of course problems arise. This time it is a large piece of crumbling ice from the North Pole, which creates a tsunami, pushing large icebergs in the path of ‘Titanic II’ again. Coast Guard Captain Maine (Bruce Davison, in a career low) watches the breaking ice (also very fake), but manages to get away just in time in a low-graphics CGI helicopter. In a see-through trick from the creators, his daughter Amy (Marie Westbrook) is on board, who is also Hayden’s ex-girlfriend.

‘Titanic II’ is 100 percent the love child of Shane Van Dyke, who wrote, directed and starred the film. Multi-talented? Well no. No doubt he also coined the toe-curling slogan “Hundred years later, lightning strikes twice”. Not too surprisingly, there are still a few people with the same last name on the cast list. Apart from Davison, there are no actors of noteworthy talent to be found. Everyone is doing something, throwing meaningful glances at each other or making a comment like “Gosh, this has to happen again, say.” And that in a way as if it’s Shakespeare. If the cast and crew already realized that they were working on a dredge production, it is in any case not noticeable. For these and countless other reasons, it’s a good idea to avoid ‘Titanic II’ like the plague. The best thing you can use the DVD for is as a coaster for a glass of lukewarm cola that has had the spark off.