Fat Hard (2005)

Directed by: Tim Oliehoek | 90 minutes | action, drama, comedy, romance, crime | Actors: Bracha van Doesburgh, Cas Janssen, Jack Wouterse, Johnny de Mol, Kürt Rogiers, Jaak van Assche, Peter van den Begin, Ton Kas, Bert André, Cees Geel

‘Vet Hard’ is without doubt the most successful Dutch film of the past year. Thanks to a good advertising campaign and promotion, the debut of 25-year-old Tim Oliehoek became a true box-office success. Now that the hype surrounding the film has blown over and the film will soon be available on DVD, now is a good time to take a closer look at this product. Is ‘Vet Hard’ really as fun as the commercials lead you to believe?

Well to be very short: No, it is not. ‘Vet Hard’ is a nice movie, but certainly no more than that. In fact, if you’re a little familiar with Danish cinema, you’ll quickly recognize ‘Vet Hard’ as a shameless clone of ‘Gamle mænd i nye biler’. The latter film was released here under the name ‘Old Men In New Cars’ (2002).

Oliehoek has recreated the Danish original almost scene by scene. If you’ve already seen the Scandinavian film, you can safely skip ‘Vet Hard’. With the exception of a few cameos by almost famous Dutch people, the young Dutch director has copied his source material almost literally. And that’s a shame.

Too bad for everyone who saw the original and too bad for the misplaced credit that Oliehoek gets. So ‘Vet Hard’ is not as original as all advertising would have you believe. Anyway, because many people are probably not familiar with Danish cinema, a Dutch remake can still be justified.

‘Vet Hard’ is about the obese criminal Bennie (Wouterse). The crook is released from prison after five years and to his horror he learns that his foster father Mast is dying. Mast’s liver isn’t so good anymore. Bennie decides to get a new organ for his foster father quite aggressively. For this he enlists the help of a necrophile (Rogiers) and two cooks’ assistants (Janssen and De Mol). Meanwhile, the twisted, suicidal Katja (Van Doesburgh) also joins the company.

As mentioned, ‘Vet Hard’ is based on a Danish film. And just like the Scandinavian version, the Dutch version is also extremely clumsy, blunt and rowdy. All characters are larger than life and cartoonish ‘Tom & Jerry violence’ dominates the film. So you have to love that. The problem is that such extremities are fun for a while, but they become annoying after a while. After seeing a similar explosion or death smack a few times, the fun wears off. That was already the case in the Danish version and that is also the case in the Dutch edition.
It is a shame that Oliehoek has not refined the source material a bit. If the story had been tweaked a bit, you might get a little more involved in all the action on your screen. Some more developed characters and less chaotic and noisy violence would have suited ‘Vet Hard’. The film literally screams for your attention. The only moments of rest in this production are the scenes in which Janssen and De Mol play the leading role. The controlled playing of these young actors is really a relief between the hard explosions and the evergreens played at full volume by George Baker.

The film is also packed with action and inside jokes, so in terms of spectacle there is little to complain about ‘Vet Hard’. The semi-known Netherlands is also featured in this film. From Chazia Mourali to Jac Goderie: everyone who ever sees their head on TV can be seen in this film. And sometimes that’s pretty fun.

Mourali, in particular, is very funny in her tiny cameo appearance as a bitchy nurse. Olga Zuiderhoek is also very enjoyable as a stupid bank employee. The main roles are played nicely by the cast, but because of the enormous lack of character development and the interchangeability of many characters, ‘Vet Hard’ often gets stuck in good intentions. The film never really comes to life and that is due to its immense superficiality. Many characters are so similar that you can barely tell the difference. You have gentle figures and grumpy dumb ass and that’s it. There is nothing more.

It is purely thanks to the charisma of an acting cannon like Wouterse that ‘Vet Hard’ is still reasonably acceptable. A less gifted actor could not have done anything with a one-dimensional and overly blunt role like this. In addition to Wouterse, newcomer Van Doesburgh also holds up well between the brutal over the top violence. A no small feat for a debuting actress. And as mentioned, Janssen and De Mol manage to leave a pleasant impression despite their small roles and interchangeable characters. The other cast members remain rather anonymous due to their lackluster performances and weak characters.

All in all ‘Vet Hard’ is a reasonable film. The movie has its moments, but it is certainly not a classic. With your mind at zero and with a glass of alcohol nearby, this product can be easily digested.