Batman & Robin (1997)

Directed by: Joel Schumacher | 125 minutes | action, thriller, adventure, fantasy | Actors: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Chris ODonnell, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle, John Glover, Elle Macpherson, Vivica A. Fox, Vendela Kirsebom, Jeep Swenson

“Holy Barracuda, Batman! What has become of you?” A possible answer to this question, which could well present itself when watching ‘Batman and Robin’, is: a soulless piece of Happy Meal toy. Director Joel Schumacher personally admits to the audio commentary accompanying the film’s blu-ray that many of the choices were purely commercial-driven. To be fair, yes, but it doesn’t make the movie any better. Schumacher loved designing as many “toys” as possible for the film, and he also felt that this was his – and a sequel [op zijn eigen ‘Batman Forever’ van twee jaar eerder] was expected. Everything has to be bigger and more spectacular. And it must be possible to sell a lot of merchandise. So Schwarzenegger’s Mr Freeze gets a suit that will do well in the toy store on an action figure. A suit that suddenly turns out to have fold-out wings, à la Buzz Lightyear from ‘Toy Story’, which is revealed in a scene where Batman and Robin chase the cool frog in the air on some kind of surfboard, nota bene “cowabunga!” exclaiming. However, the fact that an exuberant, outright moronic film is being made is not the problem. Working towards this goal alone, this approach can yield a slight cult or pulp classic. The problem is that ‘Batman and Robin’ is so suspenseless, contains cringe-inducing dialogue, and actors who may be familiar, but who are either cast incorrectly or seem to have no idea what they’re doing.

The biggest flaw is the character of Mr. Freeze coupled with the abysmal portrayal by our favorite governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. He is given witty one-liners like “Cool party”, “chill!”, “freeze!”, “My heart only thaws for my wife”, just to keep the viewer from forgetting that he is Mr. Freeze is and loves, ahem, self-mockery. Or something. In any case, it is too bland for words and Schwarzenegger does not know what to do with these witty remarks, although he is already quite used to it. He has to give the worst performance ever here. Now he is not exactly a gifted actor, but in muscle films like ‘Commando’, ‘Predator’, ‘Terminator’, or ‘Conan the Barbarian’ he comes into his own. Then he is the hero who can rely on his muscles and make the occasional ironic comment. As villain Mr. Freeze, in his toy suit and with his silver body paint and contact lenses, is too out of his element. If ‘Batman Forever’ had been the Austrian bodybuilder’s first film, his career would probably never have taken off. The only interesting thing about his character is that he has gained some dramatic weight. He is trying to steal diamonds to finance the treatment of his wife, who suffers from a rare disease. But Freeze doesn’t provoke much pathos because of his ridiculous actions, dialogue, and that awful acting.

Uma Thurman does a little better on the acting front – she’s also over-the-top, but at least seems to believe in her own madness – and her Poison Ivy makes for the sporadic interesting moments in the film. But her character also leaves a lot to be desired. Her motivation for destroying Batman – wanting plants to triumph over humans – and joining forces with Freeze isn’t very believable. Or at least not exciting. And when both villains fail to arouse any tension or interest, there is little that could save them.

The casting of George Clooney as Batman/Bruce Wayne is also a misstep. He may be charming at times, but his smug grin and inability to really step into the batman’s skin keep viewers from seeing the actor George Clooney most of all. This time, his character does not offer a fascinating grip for the viewer. The battle with Robin feels forced, and his romance with Elle MacPherson has nothing of value in it. Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl is a pretty pointless addition to the cast, living on the assumption that pouting is like acting. The only good thing about the presence of Silverstone’s character is that she more often portrays Butler Alfred, who, played by Michael Gough, is one of the few characters in Schumacher’s Batman films that comes across as authentic.

It’s not that there’s absolutely no honor to be had in ‘Batman & Robin’. The ice-dominated sets are vibrant and grand, the decor creative, the music by Elliot Goldenthal bombastic, and the colorful neon lighting gives everything an exuberant, cheerful atmosphere. And the Blu-ray version really looks dazzling: with a detail and sharpness that makes everything even more splash off the screen. In addition, sometimes everything is so idiotic, “kid-friendly”, or just plain bad, that the film becomes unintentionally funny. Whether it’s Alicia Silverstone’s dry spooning of her text, Freeze’s “cold” jokes, or Batman scurrying down the tail of a dinosaur skeleton or tapping their heels together with Robin, after which suddenly there are skates under the shoes appear: there is still regular fun to be had with this otherwise cinematic misproduct.