Your Mum and Dad (2019)

Directed by: Klaartje Quirijns | 77 minutes | documentary

Director Klaartje Quirijns delves into her own history, and the roles of parents and children. What makes us who we are, and what are our (ancestors) parents to blame for this? Generations pass on trauma, that’s the way it is, right?

‘Your Mum and Dad’ immediately catches the eye because of the Bromet approach, of the questioning filmmaker off the screen. The undersigned finds it quickly guiding, especially when it comes to an ego document. Quirijns supports her argument with vivid images of her own daughters, who talk about parental love as a family. Also beautiful are the poetic quotes by Saul Bellow (“Do not look for the dead, they look for you”) and Philip Larkin (“They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do”).

Digging into the past, a loveless but adventurous father whom the maker called Kees, is a bit of flirting with suffering. After all, every house has its cross. The last that Klaartje heard from Kees is that he ran off without money with an African princess. It might be interesting when she calls him again. The bird of paradise sounds like a tipsy Maarten Spanjer; she is the adult in the conversation. So there are so many.

Why can’t her ailing father bond? The answer is not given while the key is in the lock. There is a deceased child, about which Quirijn’s mother can tell. Then Quirijns fans out to New York, where everyone has a therapist, as if the New Yorkers float like angels. Nice idea, but the story of Quirijns’ New York ex Michael, abused by his mother, is also distracting. Especially if his therapist starts talking about his own grievances.

The teenage drama of the daughters coincides more naturally with the film than the suffering of the adults. Out of the picture, Quirijns is also a mother, and that works thanks to the close-ups. It’s a bit like psychoanalysis, which also works thanks to the open teenagers, who clearly maintain a close relationship with Quirijns. This keeps the film sympathetic. At the same time, there seems to have been more to it, especially in terms of focusing on one specific story.