Tornado – Nature Unleashed: Tornado (2004)

Directed by: Alain Jakubowicz | 93 minutes | horror, thriller, adventure | Actors: Daniel Bernhardt, Ruth Platt, Anya Lahiri, Larry Day, Julien Penaruiz, Stephen Shellen, Lisa Stothard, Casper Zafer, Mihai Flanica, George Grigore, Alin Olteanu, Dorin Andone, Alexandru Barba, Sandu Mihai Gruia, Farcas Gabriela, Cristin Tomi

In the category ‘movies with misleading titles’ there is now ‘Tornado’. A film that is presented as a disaster film, but turns out to be nothing less than an absurdist, occult thriller in which there is hardly a whirlwind in sight. Sounds exciting? Guess again.

What do gypsies, madmen and satanists have in common? Answer: In ‘Tornado’ they are the only three ethnic groups of Romania, the country where the film is set. In good American custom, the Eastern European resort is portrayed without any sense of nuance as a corrupt cesspool of a country where not even the cockroaches can safely roam the streets, all the villains wear black clothes or blood-red robes and the local gypsies seem to have run away from a Disney movie. It sets the tone for a film that cannot be viewed without vicarious shame.

The viewer’s agony begins with the plot, which is so bizarre and illogical that it makes one wonder whether writer J. Paul V. Robert couldn’t keep his hands off the hallucinogenic drugs while working. For example, the title of the film seems to relate mainly to the evil plan of Satan (yes, Satan) to undergo a makeover and ravage the earth in the form of a super tornado. Unfortunately for the devil and his human accomplices, this does not include square-jawed action hero cum cameraman Josh Pallady (C-actor Daniel Bernhardt), who is filming a report in Romania with a non-descript, high-blond female colleague.

‘Tornado’ is without a doubt a painfully bad product; but those who have already bought the film as part of the ‘Disaster Collection’ would do well to follow the example of the cast and not take it too seriously. None of the American actors seem to believe that anyone is going to watch this movie. Lead actress Ruth Platt in particular makes a lot of difference in the role of journalist Nickie in terms of acting. For example, the woman has a repertoire of facial expressions that you would expect from a wax doll. Her face seems to have no less than two positions: bored and very bored. Moreover, the fact that she only manages to produce voice on one pitch means that her presence on the screen is certainly not a feast for the senses. The Romanian actors who appear in supporting roles, in turn, go to the other end of the acting spectrum and are guilty of such hysterical overacting that you wonder what the hell is in the groundwater in the Eastern European country. Also very funny are the listless extras, who even during the Apocalypse look around with a look that suggests that they are counting down the minutes until they get paid and can turn their backs on the set.

The best way to enjoy yourself during the movie is to spot the countless plot flaws and impossible action segments. For example, how can one explain the fact that the protagonists are overtaken on a paved road in their brand new BMW by a couple of bad guys who chug along a dirt road in a rattled rust bucket next to them? Or that the sluggish cameraman turns out of nowhere into an action hero of ‘Expendables’-esque proportions, beating an army of armed Satanists to a pulp with his bare hands? And what about a scene in which the protagonists stay ahead of a tornado on foot, while the satanists cannot do this with a helicopter. It is of course too idiotic/amusing for words that Satan (in poorly animated tornado form) kills his human servants at such a fast pace that he sabotages his own plans.

‘Tornado’ clearly only targets one audience: naive people who don’t know what kind of film they are getting. Although fans of so-incredibly-bad-that-it-is-good-again films can still enjoy themselves with this unpretentious misproduct. The best final verdict on the film comes from the character Nickie: “Nothing against tornadoes, but this satanic thing is utter nonsense,” she analyzes halfway through the film; and with that she describes ‘Tornado’ perfectly.