The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)

Directed by: Tom Putnam | 91 minutes | comedy | Actors: Paris Hilton, Joel Moore, Christine Lakin, Johann Urb, Adam Kulbers, The Greg Wilson, Marianne Muellerleile, Kathryn Fiore, Scott Prendergast, Morgan Rusler, Ryan Alvarez, Erin Cardillo, Samantha Bailey, Jeremy Scott Johnson, Gino Anthony Pesi

Being beautiful is a requirement to count in the world. This is all too obvious, especially for a woman. ‘Hotties’ are seen and ‘notties’ not. The ugly notties never succeed, but hotties, on the other hand, do know what success is. An ugly person with a bit of character would do his best to become beautiful quickly. These are just a few of the remarkable life lessons that come to us in ‘The Hottie and the Nottie’. Even with Paris Hilton. That is almost impossible to break.

The hottie in the film is Cristabel Abbott (Hilton) and the horribly ugly and actually just as filthy nottie is June Phigg (Christine Lakin), who also doesn’t seem very sympathetic. Neither of them date. June not because every man – rightly – avoids her and Cristabel not because she is June’s best friend and only wants the man if June also manages to score something. ah. That doesn’t look good for Nate Cooper (Joel David Moore), who (for perfectly logical reasons in the film) has wanted to sleep with Cristabel all his life. But anything is possible if you try hard enough, so Nate does everything she can to get June to sell. Or better, get a man on June. He tries it with bribery, hypnosis and more, but it still looks bad after all the tries. Poor Nate, would he never have sex with Cristabel?

Meanwhile, through a series of beauty treatments, the nottie begins to become less and less not. And it’s unbelievable but true, June’s personality actually changes with her appearance improvements. Not the other way around, although the makers of the film will have you almost as well – if you pay a little less attention for unsurprising reasons.

Everything, absolutely everything in the film revolves around beauty. Hilton must have felt like a fish in water. And let’s be honest, there isn’t much acting in the film anyway and the dialogues are sometimes of such a shocking level that the questionable acting doesn’t even evoke that much disgust anymore. How about this one: “A life without orgasms, is like a life without flowers”. A little man likes that of course. That the wealthy heiress is not a character actress, she must be forgiven for a while.

The makers of ‘The Hottie and the Nottie’ have understood the power of opposites. The outer shapes speak volumes and the inside remains empty. After a predictable and dubious ending, there is still a strange and cold moral, while just a little warmth could have given the film some value. Love doesn’t matter, except perhaps for some decoration of empty shouts. There is no chemistry between anyone.

Away with the fairytale romance and welcome to the real world, where beautiful breasts and ass are more important than that overrated interior. Anyone who does not see this clearly has not understood the world.