Totally Spies! (2009)

Directed by: Pascal Jardin | 75 minutes | animation, comedy, adventure | Dutch voice cast: Nicolette van Dam, Leco van Zadelhoff, Niki Romijn, Kiki Koster, Mandy Huydts, Jan Nonhof

You already knew that the word ‘fantasy’ can have a negative connotation. It can mean that someone is lying, for example, or that he no longer remembers things well and just ‘fantasizes’. The movie ‘Totally Spies!’ adds yet another dimension to the range of negative meanings. The point is that fantasy should inspire new insights and ideas, or certain creativity, because that’s where it originated. It can take you to unknown worlds, distant lands, bizarre beasts and overwhelming events, wonderful. These kinds of fantasies are eagerly used in the cartoons of, for example, the Ghibli studios (think: ‘Spirited Away’, ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’ and ‘Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea’). Children are taken on a fantastic journey that is characterized by a limitless imagination, but (and now it comes:) that first of all has a certain consequence and above all: that is linked to real emotions and events that propel a story driven by those emotions. And all that in a children’s movie? Should it? Yes, you have to. Pippi Longstocking also goes around the world and is too strong for a girl of her age, but also symbolizes the counterpart of petit bourgeoisie and short-sightedness. And take a recent (German) cartoon like ‘The three robbers’ and you know it’s possible: a lot of fantasy, but always linked to real human desires and emotions and the resulting actions and events, super entertainment with a bottom. The successful Pixar films (‘Finding Nemo’, ‘Up!’, et cetera) can also boast of the combination of limitless fantasy, a fun story and living, emotional characters, the ‘secret’ of their great successes.

And what does ‘Totally Spies’ stand for? Absolutely nothing, nada, rien, niente. This film is a ball pit without balls, filled with emptiness. The only thing the film seems to be driven by is a formula that should make sure that little kids fall for it en masse, because it’s fast, hip and colorful, fast food so to speak. But keep them at home those kids! Here she is all too easily served a bowl of food that is full of artificial colours, aromas and flavors and full of preservatives. If there were any vitamins (for the mind) in it, they had been artificially added and caused a nasty aftertaste. Everything in this film is exaggerated, too fast, too cliché and too black and white and therefore: way too easy and therefore not exciting at all. The emotions are exaggerated, the jokes are bland and exaggerated, the ‘special fx’ makes no sense at all.

In short: nothing is ‘real’. Just a few examples: a practical joke by a much too cliché ‘popular’ girl: a coffee machine that spits out so much coffee that the three girls are completely blown out of the school, nice puh. huh? An ordinary locker, which is completely extendable and apparently is a secret wardrobe (the ladies are not even spies yet!), everything, but really everything, the girls can immediately and without any training, such as: fighting, riding a motorcycle, flying in a jet fighter and much more nonsense. With a snap of the fingers, the ladies wear a different outfit! Children go far along in the fantasy, which is great fun. Logic can and may still be foreign to them, that’s only a good thing. Above a certain age, however, certain things are no longer taken, and rightly so. So if the film is intended for children under three, okay, although: the fantasy has only been used here for one purpose: bite-sized chunks that sell well because they look good, but are bad for your health in the long run.

Doesn’t all this matter to you? Doesn’t have to be so intelligent Are you already happy when your child is under the pans for 75 minutes, despite being crammed with brainless fast food? Then just watch this movie, but don’t say we didn’t warn you!