Whey (2019)

Directed by: Ruud Lenssen | 71 minutes | documentary

Dementia is a disease so common that anyone can imagine what it means when it affects you, your partner or one of your parents. Of course, it’s awful to see a loved one go down, knowing that every time you say goodbye to him or her, it could be the last time he or she recognizes you. Filmmaker Ruud Lenssen took up the camera in his case and recorded his father Jac’s irreversible dementia process in the personal documentary ‘Wei’. A special role is reserved for his caring mother Ria.

Jac and Ria got married sometime in the 1970s or 1980s and are actually still in the middle of life when Jac is diagnosed with vascular dementia. His memory is rapidly deteriorating. It’s clear that it starts with little things, like the name of the bird that Jac can’t remember at the beginning of the documentary.

Ria tries to be there for her husband as much as possible, but has a hard time. If she wants to go to her regular dance, she has to leave him a note so that he still knows where she is. She repeatedly has to explain what time she will be back, when this is probably a recurring appointment for years. Even worse are the cannonades that Jac fires at her. He calls her out for everything ugly and bad, for example when she grumbles about the tobacco that Jac throws on the floor.

Her biggest concern, however, is Jac’s greatest love, the meadow. The plot of land offers space for chickens and two ponies, contains a piece of forest and a vegetable garden “and my sweat”, according to Jac, in a clear and comical moment. It is certainly true, it takes a lot of effort and time to maintain the meadow and that is becoming increasingly difficult. Ria would like to get rid of the ponies before it is really no longer possible, but Jac does not agree. It is one of the many points of contention that the couple struggles with. Not much later it is the farewell of Jac himself that becomes irrevocable and increasingly realistic. How long is it safe to let him live at home?

‘Wei’ is a beautifully shot and honest document of a process whose end you can unfortunately predict. It is sometimes harrowing to see Jac raging, and your heart breaks as the ponies are loaded into the trailer on their way to their new home. Ruud Lenssen does not shy away from showing the less beautiful sides of his parents’ marriage, and that is precisely why a rare loving moment is all the more tender. ‘Wei’ may not tell you anything new at its core, but it clearly shows how fleeting life is and how important family can be.