Variety Tease (1954)

Directed by: Irving Klaw | 65 minutes | music, eroticism, comedy | Actors: Lili St. Cyr, Cass Franklin, Irving Klaw, Monica Lane, Vicki Lynn, Christine Nelson, Bettie Page, Bobby Shields, Twinnie Wallen

The only way in which you as a viewer can still have some fun with ‘Varietease’ is by seeing it as a document of a bygone time. As a testimony to what (bad) burlesque entertainment was like What it was like when women didn’t take off all their clothes while stripping and it was mostly about teasing. But also how bland the skits were at the time and how a range of mediocre variety acts were gathered together to entertain the viewer.

Bettie Page features prominently on the front cover of the DVD cover. Of course, because she is the biggest name in the film and therefore the biggest crowd puller. However, her part in the film is negligible. She only does the opening act, an act that is also very tame, both in terms of piquancy, dance qualities, and general entertainment value. She’s wearing a somewhat drab, Arab outfit, and she doesn’t do much to entertain the viewer. Let’s face it, Bettie Page is not a good dancer, but in ‘Teaserama’, the film she would make a year later, she is nevertheless very captivating. Because of her cheeky facial expressions of course – which she also shows here – but also because of her funny hip movements and dance steps. In ‘Varietease’ it is all a bit less. Also literally, because she only has one appearance in the film.

The majority of the film is filled with uninteresting acts by other “artists”. Stand-up comedians who come up with the most bland and stale – but maybe not yet then – jokes, songs that don’t even sound that bad, but certainly don’t make hearts beat faster, and uninteresting cross-dressing acts, whose flamenco performs. later appears to have been copied verbatim for ‘Teaserama’. An artificial act with a dancing couple where everything goes wrong is also not exactly stimulating.

Fortunately, the film does have some ups and downs. Especially Lili St Cyr, presented here as the big star, does something interesting. The looks behind the scenes at her changing sessions are sometimes quite stimulating. Especially the moments when she lies lasciviously in her underwear on the couch and slowly takes off her panties, or takes off from half behind the changing screen and then hangs the clothes over the edge, are fun teasing. In her closing striptease act she wears a small, rather spicy bra, but the act itself is not very special.

More fun than the act of Chris La Chris, a sensual and gracefully dancing red-haired lady with feathers on her pants. She moves her hips in an exciting circle, the springs swinging back and forth. Nice, and at least she can dance. Finally, what’s nice is part of the scene where a woman at her table in the restaurant makes some seductive moves in a nice black dress with slits to show her bare leg. This scene only goes on for a little while, causing the viewer’s attention to wane.
Apart from these sporadic acceptable moments ‘Varietease’ is unfortunately not worth it.