The Tournament (2009)

Directed by: Scott Mann | 97 minutes | action, thriller | Actors: Robert Carlyle, Kelly Hu, Ving Rhames, Sébastien Foucan, Liam Cunningham, Ian Somerhalder, Scott Adkins

Welcome to picturesque Middlesbrough. Population: approximately 143,000 at the start of the film, significantly lower when the credits roll across the screen. The northern English town serves as an arena for a few dozen assassins and assassins who fight to the death for a cash prize of ten million dollars and the dubious honor of being the best hitman in the world. The tournament is sponsored by sadistic billionaires, who can look over the shoulders of their favorites thanks to GPS transmitters implanted in candidates and the hacked police camera network. Which camera surveillance is not good for.

The locals can also play along: in most cases as a living shield, but the alcoholic priest Joseph Macavoy (Robert Carlyle) is completely blown away. He is more or less accidentally marked as a target after the tracking device of one of the assassins ends up in his coffee. Organizer Powers (Liam Cunningham) also appears not to be the worst and the priest then casually registers as a participant. Survival: one in five hundred, minimum bet: one hundred thousand dollars. “Place your bets please.”

It should be clear that the plot is wafer thin. However, that should not spoil the fun, because ‘The Tournament’ guarantees one and a half hours of non-stop action. The hitmen battle each other with all kinds of firearms, martial arts and makeshift weaponry in everyday locations such as a church, a gas station and a strip club. It soon becomes apparent that you should not take the film too seriously. For example, the only skill of the world’s greatest assassin (Ving Rhames) is that he is simply too cool to be hit by bullets. In the most hilarious scene of the film, he continues to stare stoically as bullets fly around his ears. He is not completely unstoppable, however. Viewers familiar with ‘Pulp Fiction’ probably involuntarily look the other way when Rhames is once again tied up by a crazed redneck. The last leading role is for Kelly Hu, who, as a stereotypical Asian hitwoman, of course specializes in exotic martial arts.

You don’t get to know much more about most of the characters than their names. Robert Carlyle is the only actor who gives his character some depth, but is also surprisingly the least relevant to what passes for a plot. Moreover, the scenes in which the priest struggles with his alcoholism are certainly not conducive to the pace of the film, which continues rushing by like an express train. It would have been better to tell the story from the perspective of one of the other participants, whose mutual vendetta has something to do with the tournament. Father Macavoy only seems to have been dragged in to make the story recognizable to the lesser mortals among us, who don’t go through life as psychotic hitmen.

Action films usually stand or fall with the humor. Although it is sparse in ‘The Tournament’, it is not absent. The main source of comic relief is the two complaining technicians who have to keep things going. The duo is suspiciously reminiscent of the iconic grumbling old men from The Muppets. The fight scenes also make you laugh, because the hail of bullets are regularly interspersed with hilariously stupid altercations. “Have you run out of bullets? I’ve got a few more for you!” It’s impressive what director Scott Mann has accomplished on a minimal budget. The film is just an excuse to conjure up an hour and a half of violence on the screen, but it does that excellently. For fans of low-threshold action films, ‘The Tournament’ is an absolute must. Those who are less fond of exploding heads and amputation humor should ignore the film.