Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

Directed by: Phil Claydon | 88 minutes | horror, comedy | Actors: James Corden, Mathew Horne, Silvia Colloca, Vera Filatova, MyAnna Buring, Ashley Mulheron, Louise Dylan, Paul McGann, Louise Dylan, Lucy Gaskell, John Pierce Jones, Emer Kenny, Emma Clifford, Susie Amy, Travis Oliver, Margarita Hall , Paul Warren

There is something to be said for film titles that are straight to the point. Creature from the Black Lagoon. Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. Snakes on a Plane. You know what you get. Probably no Oscar-worthy performances or storylines that can only be unraveled after watching three times, hopefully a successful evening. Whatever else you may think of it, you have to admit that ‘Lesbian Vampire Killers’ is a beautiful entry. The film itself is just as much about the body as the lesbian leeches from the title, but in combination with a beer and a bowl of popcorn, it is fine. That’s all because you soon realize that this cinematic quick bite mainly consists of empty calories.

‘Lesbian Vampire Killers’ starts promisingly, with a nice retro title and a short summary that recalls the heyday of Hammer House of Horror. After that, the filmmakers take the beaten path, paved with easy jokes that are repeated so often that they are worn out by the end. Fat loser wants to get off buttocks but can shake it because even the leeches don’t fall on him. Thin loser gets dumped over and over by his girlfriend. A mythological weapon with an evocative name and an even more evocative shape (guess three). A cleric who curses frequently. Meanwhile, the filmmakers laugh the loudest at their own jokes.

Initially, the adolescent humor still elicits some chuckles, but the corniness quickly gets boring. And although James Corden and Mathew Horne (of ‘Gavin and Stacey’ fame) have quite nice dialogues and their one-liners skilfully, they are not nearly as fun as a horror duo as Simon Pegg and Nick Frost from ‘Shaun of the Dead’. Also, the main concept (the vampire killers don’t just target any old vampire but a contingent of bloodsucking lesbians) is not optimally used. The ladies don’t do much more than a little tame French kissing on the sidelines. “Lesbian Vampire Killers” could have been a slapstick or subtle homage to the horror film, or a sex comedy with teeth, but it’s ultimately little more than the takeaway pizza of horror comedies. Too bad, there could have been so much more.