Killer Anonymous (2019)

Directed by: Martin Owen | 95 minutes | action, crime | Actors: Gary Oldman, Jessica Alba, Elliot James Langridge, Suki Waterhouse, Sam Hazeldine, Tommy Flanagan, Rhyon Nicole Brown, MyAnna Buring, Michael Socha, Tim McInnerny, Elizabeth Morris, Isabelle Allen, Sally Collett, Sadie Frost, Takako Akashi, Harmony Hyde Neath, Sophie Willis, William Andrew Lynn, Finley Sebastian Pearson

They exist. Movies that make you think: “WTF! What did I just see?” And that can turn out positively, a film that makes you think, invites you to chat and remains in the back of your mind for days, or negatively. ‘Killers Anonymous’ unfortunately belongs to the latter category.

The first feeling you get after seeing this film is: what a shame that recognized acting talents Gary Oldman and Jessica Alba got their hands on dirt here. However, Jessica is only in the first ten minutes and Gary (wisely?) remains active in the background throughout the film. Director Martin Owen thought he would score with a Tarantino/Ritchie pastiche, but he misses the mark on many fronts. A messy, almost impossible to follow script leads to an unbelievable plot and characters that just don’t come out. There’s a lot of talk, but almost nothing these “anonymous assassins” say really captures the imagination. Because there is no clear storyline, it actually leaves the viewer cold.

Killers Anonymous is a support group, along the lines of the AA (Anonymous Alcoholics), located in the basement of a church, where hitmen Markus (Tommy Flanagan), Leandro (Michael Socha), Calvin (Tim McInnerny, Ben (Elliot James Langridge) and Krystal (Elizabeth Morris), each with different murder motives led by “Chairman”/Nun Joanna (Myanna Buring) talk about their craft and how they feel about it.

A US senator has been shot and they are all wondering who is responsible. After a newcomer joins the group, Alice/Alissa (Rhyon Nicole Brown), things get completely ridiculous. She turns out to be the new ‘boss’ of the KA, who comes to test everything. Who survives the selection and can stay with the organization (run by the CIA or suddenly with the Russians on the strings?)? To make up for the plotholes and over-pretentiousness, it all ends very violently.

‘Killers Anonymous’ does not manage to meet the high expectations for a single second. The beginning, a meeting between Jade (Jessica Alba) and ‘The Man’ (Gary Oldman, the one who directs the assassins), promises a lot. After that, the film quickly takes off with 5 minutes of fighting wrapped in comic strip shots, 80 minutes of ‘meaningful’ talking and an ‘over the top’ ending scene. Just like in what the title packs: this film is doomed to end up anonymously at the bottom of the sale bins. One star is for the effort, half is for half the work the director thought he could get away with. The popular and usually well-scoring assassin genre is apparently not for everyone.